This week we gained some greater understanding of biblical sexuality.  Not only was the Hon. Jim Sheridan biblically grounded and up on the current research on marital intimacy, but he used his wonderful humor to relate practical ideas for strengthening the marital bond.  This man shared more in the 30 minute segment of our show than most could in three hours  (Greg – Yeah, he never took a breath!)  (Bob – I think he talked at a clip of about 90 words a minute, with gusts up to 180!)  Lotsa wisdom in a very short time.  To purchase Judge Sheridan’s book,  A Blessing for the Heart, go to www.marriagedoneright.com.  It’s an excellent resource!

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The genie thought for a few minutes and said, “No, I don’t think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved with the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask.”

I think the most difficult part of understanding women is, just when you start to settle in and get the hang of ‘it’, ‘it’ changes.  Like most guys, I wanna be able to just put the relationship on cruise control to maintain it.  I don’t think about upgrading it, or enhancing it.  Oh, but not my wife.  She will want us to GROW! Do I really have to completely ‘get it’ before I can have a good relationship?

So here’s the deal.  Feel like you need to understand your wife (or girlfriend) fully in order to be effective with her?  Give it up!  Wanna know the secret to keeping her happy?  Quit trying to figure her out.  It’s too exhausting.  Instead, when she needs to talk, just take time to listen to her.  Listen, and don’t interrupt, correct, or try to fix.  Bite your tongue.  Nod periodically and make eye contact (quit glancing at the computer!!) while grunting periodically to show you’re tracking with her.  She’ll feel understood…, even if you don’t really fully understand.  Pretty simple assignment really.  Now Man Up and just do it!  Remember – Happy Wife; Happy Life!!   Oh yeah, by the way, we still have to take out the garbage and fix the leaky faucet!

 Four married guys went fishing. After an hour or so, the following conversation took place:

"Sounds Reel to me!"

They continued to fish, until they realized the fourth guy had not said a word.  So they asked him. “You haven’t said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What’s the deal?”
Fourth guy: “I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off the clock, gave the wife a nudge and said, “Fishing, or Sex,” and she said, “Wear a sweater.”
MORAL OF THE STORY:  It’s always good to give our spouses options, and not make demands!

I’m not convinced that we ALWAYS need to give our spouses options, but I definitely know I do much better when my wife doesn’t just ‘let me know’ what she’s gonna be doing.  I feel respected when she chooses to consult me or consider any thoughts I might have about her plans (’cause they generally effect my plans too!).  It helps me see that I’m valued.  I want to treat her with the same respect, and ‘consult’ her before I make plans.

The big complaint I hear from guys is that they feel like they need her permission, and it feels like she’s trying to be his mom.  This ticks them off.  Hey fellas, she’s not your mom!  She’s your wife, and this is what marriage looks like when you choose to share life with a partner.   If you were partners in a business, you probably would be making sure your decisions were copescetic with your partner dude, and vice versa.   Seems like we can lose sight of this when we are feeling controlled or disrespected.  If that’s the case, TALK ABOUT IT WITH HER.  Don’t just go and grab a reel; get REAL!

So now I’d better get to helping my daughter with her homework first so I can go watch the game later….. (okaaay, it was Linda’s ’suggestion’!).

In a society which is increasingly tolerant of sexual exploitation (and just about everything else – except, of course, for those who have conservative values), men are becoming Read the rest of this entry »

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