I’ve been doing some reading on Happiness.  I’m re-reading an old book by Paul Coleman, Psy.D., entitled 30 Secrets of Happily Married Couples.  By his measure, after nearly thirty years of marriage, Linda and I actually stacked up pretty well…, especially if you ignore my contributions to the marriage!
Here recently, I just saw where, at the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science, they reported on a review of 51 studies that tested attempts to increase happiness.  The results were published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology and guess what they discovered the #1 ingredient for personal happiness was?  – GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!! I’ve always known I was intuitively gifted when it came to sniffing out happiness!!  No, I’m just kidding.  They did not identify that Girl Scout cookies were causal for Happiness.  But they did surface what research determined to be
The 5 ways to be Happier.
Experts attribute about 50% of a person’s Happiness to genes; and another 10% to circumstances—where we live, how much money we make, how healthy we are. That leaves 40% of our happiness in our control. Fortunately, science has much to say about how we can make the most of that 40%. Even small improvements in mood can have accumulative effects.  Here are five things science has recently discovered which can improve happiness:

1. Be grateful 2. Be optimistic 3. Count your blessings 4.Use your strengths 5. Commit acts of kindness

Wow!  Let’s see, the finest minds gather to review all of the happiness research which the psychological big dog, brainiacs have accumulated, and this is the list they come up with?!  Funny, quite some time ago, some off the street, former Jew turned Christian fanatic said repeatedly, “Rejoice always, and in all things, give thanks!” -1 Thessalonians. The same nut then references, “All things work together for good for those who love the Lord…” Romans 8 – talk about optimism!  Then he had the nerve (chutzpah) to make this observation: “So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith.” Galatians 6. Then the same guy does some more research and reports his findings to the church at Rome where he says: “Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other. In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well.” Romans 12.  Finally this dude, without a Ph.D., LPCC, MD, or a research credential of any sort makes the brash assertion: “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4. On this last one I will cut Paul some slack because he at least referenced a guy who has spent more years researching human behavior and the heart and mind of man more so than any other researcher in history.  When HE talks about secrets to Happiness, I’m gonna pay close attention…, though I have to confess, I still find it hard to believe HE left out Thin Mints!!

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The 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud lady, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o’clock, with her hair fashionably coifed and makeup perfectly applied, even though she is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary.

After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready. As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on her window. “I love it,” she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

“Mrs. Jones, you haven’t seen the room…just wait.”  “That doesn’t have anything to do with it,” she replied. “Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn’t depend on how the furniture is arranged… it’s how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it “It’s a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I’ll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I’ve stored away … just for this time in my life. Old age is like a bank account … you withdraw from what you’ve put in. So, my advice would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories.
(author unknown)

THINK POSITIVE-  “I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.  And so it is with you…we are in charge of our Attitudes.” -Charles R. Swindoll

–kudos to Dave Burchett whose own blog article on 5 Ways to be Happier, “Confessions of a Bad Christian” helped with inspiration for this article.

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“I think I have a problem.  There’s a monster in our den.  It wraps it’s tentacles around me, grips me like a vice, and sucks me in.  Once in it’s grasp I lose the will to fight.  Before I know it, another evening has been lost.  I did not engage. I did not get my workout in.  My wife has gone to bed and I’ve missed another opportunity for quality time with  the kids.”

The above admission came from a TV addict.  Paul kinda talked like this in his letter to the Romans:  ¹⁵I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. ¹⁶Now if I do what I do not want, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷But in fact it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me. ¹⁸For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot do it. ¹⁹For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do. ²⁰Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me.  ²¹So I find it to be a law that when I want to do what is good, evil lies close at hand.  – Romans 7.15-21
The only thing is, Greg tells me they did not have cable back in the day when Paul was hanging out.  Paul must not have been fighting the urge to watch TV.  Maybe he was Facebook addict. 

So, according to the A.C.Neilson Co., here’s what we’re up against when it comes to TV use and the Family:

• The average American watches more than 4 hours of TV each day (or 28 hours/week, or 2 months of nonstop TV-watching per year). In a 65-year life, that person will have spent 9 years glued to the tube.
• Percentage of households that possess at least one television: 99%
• Number of TV sets in the average U.S. household: 2.24
• Percentage of U.S. homes with three or more TV sets: 66%
• Number of hours per day that TV is on in an average U.S. home: 6 hours, 47 minutes
• Percentage of Americans that regularly watch television while eating dinner: 66%
• Number of hours of TV watched annually by Americans: 250 billion
• Value of that time assuming an average wage of $10/hour: $2.5 trillion
• Percentage of Americans who pay for cable TV: 56%
• Number of videos rented daily in the U.S.: 6 million
• Number of public library items checked out daily: 3 million
  Percentage of Americans who say they watch too much TV: 49%

I’m looking at these numbers, and remembering back to my adolescent days when we actually had a portable TV sitting on the dinner table while we ate together!   Now the true confession – That poor slob who confessed to that TV addiction earlier – that was/is me!  (you probably knew that already, didn’t you?). 

When I’m in front of the TV at night, it mesmerizes me.   As I listen to others of my generation share about their own evening struggles, I find I’m not alone.  We have a hard time braking away from the glowing screen.  Now that it’s in High Def, we’re toast!

It is in my nature to selectively follow biblical principles like –  If your eye offends you, pluck it out.-  and go cut it out entirely.  (No, not my eye, Greg!)  I’m so all or nothing that I feel like I need to dump cable, put the TVs in storage, and just remove the temptation altogether.  Paul’s wisdom again tells me - All things are lawful, but all things are not profitable.  All things are lawful, but I will not be mastered by anything.  So, I believe I need to get some accountability; set a timer when I watch; get rid of the remote and limit myself to one show per sitting.  Someone suggested that I try only watching TV when I’m on the treadmill.  Unfortunatley that wouldn’t get me through viewing only one commercial!  I’d just know I’d wind up yanking the plug on the treadmill, and putting the LazyBoy on it!!

How ’bout you – got any struggles with cable?  Got any secrets you’ve discovered to overcome your TV compulsions?  Let’s talk!

Last Saturday on Saving Face with Bob and Greg, we explored male selfishness. We agreed that this is just another urban myth! Either that, or it is kinda like the swine flu – it really exists; it’s not good; and it only seems to happen to other people! (Linda and Stacy are not permitted to view this post.) 
Certainly, WE wouldn’t ever be selfish pigs, right?!

When asked, most guys say they’d be willing to take a bullet for their wife/girlfriend…, but will they push a vacuum?!  We like to look at scriptures which talk about loving our neighbor as ourself  to help us quit being selfish (Phil. 2.3-4).  Keith called into the show on Saturday and pointed out that Jesus turned this up a notch when he said “Love one another as I have loved you.”  Serving others suddenly quits being transactional, and calls us to  give, even when we won’t get back.  Sometimes it means to give, even when the other doesn’t deserve it. 
I (Bob) hate it!   Linda is so much m0re of a servant than I am. Many times when I’m giving of myself, in the back of my mind I’m keeping score!!  Wretched man that I am, who can save me from this body of death?   That’s why, as I grow older, I’m more convinced of my need for a Savior.  The closer to the light I get, the more my cracks and darkness are exposed.  This also happens when you’ve been married a while.  Linda and I have been married nearly 29 years, and the longer we’re in this relationship, the more completely exposed we are – and, the more we are called to live unselfishly and love unconditionally (whether it’s taking a bullet or even – heaven forbid – pushing a vacuum).

Here are nine rules for being an unselfish husband. Can you give me one more to make it a “top ten” list?

An unselfish husband…

10 …won’t make important purchases or decisions without his wife’s collaboration or input.

9 …notices and cares how his wife is doing – tired, happy, frustrated, stressed, amorous, etc.

8 …does things with the wife that she likes to do, even though it’s not his own preference (and this kindness doesn’t get turned into a “trade” or bartering chip afterwards).

7 …respects his wife’s perspectives, opinions and preferences.

6 …accepts his spouse’s “no” when feeling amorous and the spouse is not.

5 …is willing to serve his wife in ways that do not result in either his benefit or accolades.

4 …is willing to put self at risk for the safety or security of his wife.

3 …does not manipulate his wife’s feelings to get what he want

2 …gives affection to his wife more than as just a “come on” for sex!

This week we gained some greater understanding of biblical sexuality.  Not only was the Hon. Jim Sheridan biblically grounded and up on the current research on marital intimacy, but he used his wonderful humor to relate practical ideas for strengthening the marital bond.  This man shared more in the 30 minute segment of our show than most could in three hours  (Greg – Yeah, he never took a breath!)  (Bob – I think he talked at a clip of about 90 words a minute, with gusts up to 180!)  Lotsa wisdom in a very short time.  To purchase Judge Sheridan’s book,  A Blessing for the Heart, go to www.marriagedoneright.com.  It’s an excellent resource!

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