Greg: The holiday season presents pivotal opportunities for newly forming marriages and families. 

Bob:  Yeah, but it also can be  a stressful time for young couples.  Feeling caught between loyalties and the need to spend equal time with both spouse’s parents can lead to visitation burn out.  This steals the joy right out of holiday celebrations.  In these situations young couples often get the shaft, so our recommendation for preventing just that is – The S.H.A.F.T. – aka The Strategic Holiday Acrimonious Family Test! 

Greg: The SHAFT goes something like this. You give points (or deduct points) for various aspects of going to each of the parental units’(referred to as a P.U.) home during a traditional gathering. Then, you add up the scores to see which side of the family has the most points. The one with the most points wins the only visit from the couple next year.
Bob:   Here goes! 

·         Parent or sibling pressures newlyweds with threats, guilt, manipulation, or whining: -50
·         Parent says (honestly) “We’d love to have you join us, but it’s okay if you don’t:” +50
·         A family member hurls put downs at your spouse: -50 (-100 if it’s the mother-in-law, +5 if it’s a jealous sibling)
·         The drive requires you to spend the night: -50 (Note: If the trip is greater than a 4.5 hour drive, it gets an automatic bump to every-other-year consideration).
·         Family members are kinda “normal” (in other words, there’s no one psycho enough to ruin OUR brand of “family dysfunction”): +20
·         Turkey or pork is kinda pink, but the cook just says, “Don’t worry.  The meat’s just real fresh.”   -50    (Politely excuse yourself and leave immediately of your own accord, or visit the ER in a few hours.  Your choice.)
·         Grandma drinks excessively and starts singing old show tunes: +30
·         Excessive odors emanating from places other than the stove or oven: -25.
·         Prize belcher can only get to letter “H”: -10
·         Prize belcher can get through the whole alphabet: +25.
·         Older family member slips you an envelope with cash: +50
·         Older family member slips you an envelope with pictures: -50
·         Family member recently won the lottery: +25
·         Family member recently joined a network marketing “opportunity”: -25.
·         Food is awesome: +20 pts
·         Have to pretend that the food is awesome: -20
·         Spouse maintains the same emotional age throughout visit: +25
·         Spouse regresses to age 13 emotionally as soon as the door is opened: -40
·         There’s a large plasma TV: +20 pts
·         The plasma is only showing old home movies: -20
·         When you arrive, the family greets you at the door with a generic “happy holidays!” -75
·         Couple can call it quits and go home at any time: +50
·         For each P.U. location where you feel compelled to visit over a long weekend:  -50

 Check out the S.H.A.F.T. in action as we explore it on the air on 880 AM WRFD Radio in Columbus, Ohio when we guest host The Bob Burney Show on New Year’s Eve from 3:00pm - 6:00pm.  Listen in and call and give us your family examples!

Comment here with your own S.H.A.F.T. points ideas with us; or fill us in on your holiday dilemmas.